Awkward Silence

"     "

It is so rare for my wife and I to get into any type of argument. And when we get into an argument it is always about the same thing…THE KIDS! Each of us have so many different opinions on how to discipline our children. While I talk a big game to my oldest daughter Morgan (8 years old), and I keep her in line with a verbal scolding from time to time…I’m pretty much a sucker for big crocodile tears, a snotty nose and those deep hyperventilating gasps that try work their way through sobbing sentences, and prevent a child from getting their words out.

I have a blank napkin today because I’m totally in the dog house AND I had to make my own lunch this morning! Which sucks on so many levels…I had 2 boiled eggs and a piece of string cheese today. Hell hath no fury right J  

So last night my wife asked Morgan to please clean her room (it was a HUGE mess). Morgan stomped her feet up the stairs, and we could hear her “lolly-gagging” and singing songs from the kitchen below. So my wife heads up to give her some motivation. Unfortunately, only tough love works on Moe. And that is just what Heather was giving her.

Here is where things get complicated. As I child growing up my father was a very tough disciplinarian. To the point where now as an adult I find myself avoiding disciplinary situations just so that I don’t open a painful door to my past. My wife can’t understand that, and unless you were brought up in a home where you feared  a parents wrath you may not be able to relate to this post. While I have an amazing relationship with my dad (he is truly one of my closest friends) today; there was a time as a kid that was a very difficult period. Because of that I find myself going the opposite direction with my children. I know it is probably not right, but I tend to let so much slide because I want them to see me as a gentle person.

So how do you fix this…surely we can’t be the only husband and wife to fight about how to discipline their kids. But what do you do when your idea of discipline is so far at the opposite end of the spectrum its hard to find a compromise…You see…this is the most difficult thing about parenting to me because there is no way to know if you handled it the right way until you look back in 20 years and your kids are grown.  For me and my sisters, the tough love we received from dad landed us all in pretty good positions in life. So looking back that style worked for us. But now, anytime I try to discipline my kids I’m afraid of making them feel the way I felt as a child.

By now my wife and I have already laughed this one off. We had a great conversation on my way into  the office, and again at lunch over my boiled eggs. I have agreed to be more supportive of her when it comes to discipline, and I have opened up to her about why I hold back in that area. At the end of the day we would never let something like this come between us because we take the time to talk about it, and work through the issues…even though it meant both of us had to compromise, we had to listen to each other’s points of view that we equally disagreed on and ultimately we had to come to the conclusion that this issue will probably show its ugly face in the future. In the mean time I’m hoping to get not only a note tomorrow…but much more importantly a decent LUNCH!

If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse just can’t seem to take on the role of disciplinarian I want to encourage you to be patient with that person. You need to understand that there is likely something dark in their closet that is not ready to come out. Be patient with your spouse, talk openly about which role each of you play, don’t step on toes by undermining one another and find what works best for you and your family. And if your kids are for the most part well behaved and respectful to you and others, chances are whatever you are doing has worked well…