When Heart Failure Is Funny!

"In 7 short years you'll have all 3 of our girls there for TYKTWD"

Today, April 26th, is National Take Your Kid To Work Day. Our company decided a month ago that we were going to totally blow this out this year. So we planned and coordinated what may just be one of the largest, and most organized Bring Your Kids To Work Day events for our employee's children today. Fully loaded with a meet & greet session for parents and children, a full breakfast, organized meetings, hands on construction training and even a group coaching session by our CEO with the kids. A local news station and our newspaper covered the event. The group coaching session was done during lunch, at which time a couple dozen cheese pizza's were served up for the kids and their parents. I brought my lunch today in an effort to avoid the hurt burn and extra calories. So fortunately, I got a lunch letter today. Unfortunately, It gave me a heart attack! Well... almost...

So here is the root of my heart sinking to my stomach...I only have 2 daughters!!! The note states I have 3...As I read this note to myself with all of our employees and their children around me I sunk into a state of complete shock. Immediately, the screams of the kids, and their laughter of their parents began to fade until all I could hear was a faint, high pitched ringing in my ears. 

Shock 1: My wife be pregnant! We just started working on this...

Shock 2: How could my wife tell me she is pregnant in a lunch note, on a napkin!

Shock 3: How am I going to get through the rest of this day knowing my wife is pregnant, and not be able to see her, or give her a hug and tell her how excited and scared I am all at the same time!!!

So in order to keep my sanity, and prevent myself from having a total melt down in front of our staff I sent a quick text to confirm the status of the lunch note. 

I'm such an idiot too! In the shock of thinking my wife was pregnant I couldn't even figure out the acronym for take your kid to work day...granted her penmanship is a bit off on her letters. 

Can you remember a misunderstanding of this magnitude in your relationship? Something funny that happened between you and your spouse that you still laugh about to this day? I really believe that when someone says "the good ole' days"....they are ultimately talking about the memories we are making in the prime of our lives. Times like right now. 

I want to challenge you to take just 5 minutes out of your day today. Turn your phone on silent, shut your door and REFLECT. Reflect on your relationship, and find a tiny memory. Find one that makes you smile from ear to ear. Make sure it is something you have not thought about in months...maybe even years. You can't imagine just how good it will feel to find a thought like that. And when your five minutes is up and you have your memory, open your pocket, stuff that memory in there and carry it with you all week. 

Swift kick in the pants!

“I packed you extra nuts today so you can stand up to the O.C. crowd.”

As the Chief Operating Officer of one of the country’s largest home building companies there is something about the spring time that just stresses me out to the max. When April hits it means it is time for me to meet with each of our many communities for their annual HOA meetings. For the most part all of our home owners are very happy, and wonderful to work with. However, for some reason there are always a few individuals in the crowed who find a real pleasure in raising their voices, and pointing fingers (and those fingers go straight at me).  Well…tonight is my first meeting of the year, and my anxiety has been particularly high at home.

After whining and complaining to my wife she finally told me last night in a stern voice “Babe…toughen up! It’s not like this is your first rodeo. You got this.” I was a little taken back, but as I thought about it more and more I realized she was right.

I know that most of my time on this blog has been spent detailing how a wife should back her husband, and be kind and so on…HOWEVER…there comes a time when the lady of the house needs to give her man a swift kick in the pants, and hit his reset button. While men are definitely built tough (at least we like to think we are) there are times where we doubt ourselves, and our ability to get a job done. And I can tell you first hand…this is a BAD feeling, and ALL men go through this a some point in their life.

Heather’s lunch letter today was sending me the message that I needed to man up, and take control of my situation. Without her “nudge” I would still be feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I would be able to pull tonight’s meeting off. But she is so right (as usual) about this.

The next time your husband seems like he is doubting himself or complaining, and you are confident he can get the job done, let him know it. Sure you should be careful how you choose your words, but as a man we are wired to be able to take a tough conversation and turn it into a motivating moment. Ladies, haven’t you ever watched a sports movie with your husband? Imagine how those coaches talk to their players. They get in their players faces, yell and scream and ride them until they get the play right. Famous athletes always thank their coaches after a big win for being so hard on them. That’s because their coaches believed in them more than they believed in themselves. And that is how you should handle the man in your life (this goes for your sons too)! Believe in him more than he believes in himself. Give him some tough love every now and then….Do this in a loving way, and you will watch him win more in life than you ever imagined. Best of all…guess who he will thank, and give the credit to when the game is over?

Room with a view



“I love you, and trust you enough to still let you join a running club.”

I have two favorite times of the day during the week, and they are equally special to me. One is that every evening we eat dinner as a family at the breakfast table (FYI – Our dining room table has seen 3 meals in 2 ½ years – I’ll save that one for another blog), and the other is that my wife and I wake up early, and while I’m getting ready for work we have about 20 minutes to talk, and catch each other up on the days events. It’s kind of like a debriefing of the day, and this time keeps us on the same page for the most part. So last night I had the craziest dream about joining a running club. In the running club there was an attractive girl that kept chasing me. Eventually I wound up in the middle of a break in at a house where a friend of mine was trying to steal this girls huge flat screen TV. I know…it was crazy! While I’m in the shower I tell my wife the entire dream…ever last embarrassing detail. She was laughing, shaking her head, and at one point seemed a little concerned about how the dream could be interpreted.

On my drive into the office I was thinking about my wife’s reaction to the dream, and now that I see her note for today there is a very important point I want to drive home. This is my point…Ladies…give your husband room to be honest. Here is what I mean…Imagine if my wife reacted in a way that she was really upset about my dream…Truthfully, in some ways she did have the right to be concerned about the dreams content. She could have taken a totally negative approach, grilled me about who the girl was, and give me the 3^rd degree. You can probably guess what would happen the next time I had a dream and wanted to tell her about it.

I would certainly think twice about doing so.

Instead, my wife chose to take this dream, and use the conversation to show me how much she trusts me. As a husband, to know my wife trusts me, and has my back means more to me than anything in this world. Husbands need this type of confidence because it’s crucial to the role we play as a “guardian” to our family. With this lunch letter my wife single handedly showed me that she isn’t going to let something silly like a dream get in the way of our relationship. She gave me room to tell the truth! As a result, I will continue to open up, and share all of my feelings with her.

At the end of the day trust is all about confidence in another person. It is so fragile and delicate, and must be protected at all times. If you are in a relationship where trust and confidence are lacking it is something that must be addressed in order for a healthy relationship to exist. There is no room for anything less than the truth, even if someone has good intentions by trying to "protect someones feelings." I understand there are relationships where someone is actually afraid to be honest, because their partner would read so far into something that the truth would cause more damage than a little white lie. If you are on either side of this situation you need to realize this is a major relationship emergency. Check your marriage into rehab, and fix this immediately. Everyone needs “room to tell the truth.” Don’t be quick to react, give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ALWAYS HAVE YOUR SPOUSES BACK.

Oh the pain...

“I miss you already! I love you!”

The day is short, and I’m heading out of town soon for my trip that I spoke about in yesterday’s blog. I’m limited on time but I have to tell you that last night my wife gave me 8 cards (I couldn’t make this up ya’ll). One card for the road, one for each morning and one card for each night. So it looks like I will have some notes/cards to post when I return.

I think it’s neat that you can miss someone before they are actually gone. Just the pure anticipation of the separation totally changes your body’s chemistry. It adds an element to a relationship much like when you first begin dating. It’s really nice to return to that anxiousness (or at least a different form of it) from time to time. When you miss someone so much it hurts, you are definitely with the right one!

Do not be a zoo keeper!

“Only 72 48hours until your adventure begins JI love you baby”

There is one concept that is missed by most wives…and when Isay missed…I mean MISSED! By nature, men need comradery.  We need to feel a sense of brotherhood, andfrom time to time men just need to get away with the guy’s, curse a little, burpand fart a lot and tell the same stories with “the guy’s.” If your shaking yourhead right now and thinking “that’s such a typical guy thing to say…my husbanddoesn’t need to do that” well then I have a wakeup call for ya sister! If youdon’t encourage your hubby to get away with his pals for a little “man time”than you have clipped the wings of an eagle.  And if you are one of those womenwho refuse to give “permission” to your spouse to enjoy some time away, youhave essentially casterated the lion. Im mean for cryin' out loud its already been tamed, and lives in a cage. Seriously...don't be a zoo keeper!

Consider this…from the beginning of time men have been thegathers. They roamed the land searching for food, killed their prey and broughtit back to the village to eat. They did this as a group. Rarely did huntersseek out meals alone. Picture these dirty, hairy, smelly cavemen returning totheir village with their animals in hand…I can just hear them grunting and seethem pounding their filthy hands on their hairy bare chests. All trying to outdo theother… Now imagine the stories those cave women had to listen over and overagain. And newsflash…if they ever corrected their exaggerating cave-husband and said anything like “now honey…the dinosaur youkilled wasn’t THAT big” it would be WAAAAP! Right upside the head with a club.Now I am certainly not condoning the clubbing of wives so don’t hit the deletebutton just yet. Believe it or not I’m getting to a really good point here.

In 2 days I will leave for my annual backpacking trip with some of my oldcollege roommates. You have no idea how many of them will be telling storiesover the 4 day trip about how their wife hasn’t talked to them for 2 weeks becausethey are so upset with them for leaving. And then there’s myself and Jason. Jason has a great supporting wife who is one of the kindest people you would ever meet. Wewill laugh at these other guy’s the entire time because our wives gave us somuch support. And while the other guy’s are sitting around the camp firetalking about how selfish their ladies back home are…guess what? Me and oleJason will be sitting there with a smile on our faces, and all the whilewondering why we came into the woods because we miss our wives and kids sostinking much. It never fails. Jason and I, every year, do nothing but mope inconfidence because we are so homesick. Sure…it is FANTASTIC to get away. Butreally, you can’t imagine how much I miss my wife.

If you struggle with letting your husband spread his wings alittle you might want to try changing things up. Heck…you could even suggestthat he go enjoy some time with the guy’s. Watch his face when you encouragehim to go play golf or go fishing with a buddy…while he is gone send him a text(don’t call) about how happy you are that he is getting some guy time….and whenhe comes home have something fabulous ready for him for dinner. I’m tellingyou, he will be so impressed with your attitude that it could be a real gamechanger.

*Disclaimer: this blog is based uponan every now and then occurance. In no way to I support spending more time awayfrom the family than with them. Unless your husband is into deer hunting. …ifthat is the case you just out of luck J

Chirp Chirp

“My sky is a little bluer today and the birds are chirping a little louder.” J

From time to time I will find myself in a rut. It seems like the stress at work begins to pile up, the kids bring home a bad grade, there are some family and friend issues going on that are extremely difficult to handle and BAAMM!!! I’m in a funk. I hate when this happens. It’s like I am watching a movie of myself. I’m dragging around, feeling sorry for pitiful me, having a negative attitude and making those around me miserable. It doesn’t happen too often, but when it does WATCH OUT! And then just as quickly as it came on – SNAP – I’m out of it. But in order to get out of it we need someone to reach out their hand, pull us up and dust off our backs for us.

In a marriage it is so important for us to reach out our hands and pick up our partners. Even when we know we are in the right. After a pretty huge disagreement the other night, and an evening of mutual silent treatment I left the house the next morning just as angry as I was when I went to sleep. The worst part is the whole reason my wife and I were fighting was because of my crappy attitude. On the way in to work yesterday my wife called me. I barely got hello out, and she said “I want you to know that no matter what I love you more than anything in this entire world. I’m sorry for last night, and I hope you have a good day.” And she said this with the utmost conviction and sincerity. I could really feel her trying to be tender hearted. After we hung up I couldn’t help but think Why would she do that? Why would she call me and say all those things when this whole thing is my fault…it hit me today that she could care less about winning a fight. She only cares about growing from the disagreement, keeping our family totally united and getting back on track to our usual life (which really is wonderful).

Would you ever do that? Would you offer up an apology, and a kind word to someone who was totally in the wrong? All because you knew that if you would just give in a little bit the one you cared about  you would pull them out of their funk. Imagine how much different your relationships could be if you decided to speak the first kind words after an argument. One thing to always keep in mind is that men are genetically programmed to fight to the death. No matter what a win is a win in our book. That is how little boys are raised in athletics, and even brought up in the world of business.

As a wife I bet you could never imagine how humbling it would be to your husband if you let him off of the hook when you knew you had him backed into the corner of some ridiculous fight. I would almost guarantee that you would never forget the look on his face when you said “Baby, I love you, I’m sorry.” You really should give it a try. I bet if you can find the strength and courage to do this your sky will be a little more blue, and you will definitely here the birds singing!

Click below to see the “Happy Working Song” from the movie Enchanted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAsG__XjU8Q

Awkward Silence

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It is so rare for my wife and I to get into any type of argument. And when we get into an argument it is always about the same thing…THE KIDS! Each of us have so many different opinions on how to discipline our children. While I talk a big game to my oldest daughter Morgan (8 years old), and I keep her in line with a verbal scolding from time to time…I’m pretty much a sucker for big crocodile tears, a snotty nose and those deep hyperventilating gasps that try work their way through sobbing sentences, and prevent a child from getting their words out.

I have a blank napkin today because I’m totally in the dog house AND I had to make my own lunch this morning! Which sucks on so many levels…I had 2 boiled eggs and a piece of string cheese today. Hell hath no fury right J  

So last night my wife asked Morgan to please clean her room (it was a HUGE mess). Morgan stomped her feet up the stairs, and we could hear her “lolly-gagging” and singing songs from the kitchen below. So my wife heads up to give her some motivation. Unfortunately, only tough love works on Moe. And that is just what Heather was giving her.

Here is where things get complicated. As I child growing up my father was a very tough disciplinarian. To the point where now as an adult I find myself avoiding disciplinary situations just so that I don’t open a painful door to my past. My wife can’t understand that, and unless you were brought up in a home where you feared  a parents wrath you may not be able to relate to this post. While I have an amazing relationship with my dad (he is truly one of my closest friends) today; there was a time as a kid that was a very difficult period. Because of that I find myself going the opposite direction with my children. I know it is probably not right, but I tend to let so much slide because I want them to see me as a gentle person.

So how do you fix this…surely we can’t be the only husband and wife to fight about how to discipline their kids. But what do you do when your idea of discipline is so far at the opposite end of the spectrum its hard to find a compromise…You see…this is the most difficult thing about parenting to me because there is no way to know if you handled it the right way until you look back in 20 years and your kids are grown.  For me and my sisters, the tough love we received from dad landed us all in pretty good positions in life. So looking back that style worked for us. But now, anytime I try to discipline my kids I’m afraid of making them feel the way I felt as a child.

By now my wife and I have already laughed this one off. We had a great conversation on my way into  the office, and again at lunch over my boiled eggs. I have agreed to be more supportive of her when it comes to discipline, and I have opened up to her about why I hold back in that area. At the end of the day we would never let something like this come between us because we take the time to talk about it, and work through the issues…even though it meant both of us had to compromise, we had to listen to each other’s points of view that we equally disagreed on and ultimately we had to come to the conclusion that this issue will probably show its ugly face in the future. In the mean time I’m hoping to get not only a note tomorrow…but much more importantly a decent LUNCH!

If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse just can’t seem to take on the role of disciplinarian I want to encourage you to be patient with that person. You need to understand that there is likely something dark in their closet that is not ready to come out. Be patient with your spouse, talk openly about which role each of you play, don’t step on toes by undermining one another and find what works best for you and your family. And if your kids are for the most part well behaved and respectful to you and others, chances are whatever you are doing has worked well…