Room with a view



“I love you, and trust you enough to still let you join a running club.”

I have two favorite times of the day during the week, and they are equally special to me. One is that every evening we eat dinner as a family at the breakfast table (FYI – Our dining room table has seen 3 meals in 2 ½ years – I’ll save that one for another blog), and the other is that my wife and I wake up early, and while I’m getting ready for work we have about 20 minutes to talk, and catch each other up on the days events. It’s kind of like a debriefing of the day, and this time keeps us on the same page for the most part. So last night I had the craziest dream about joining a running club. In the running club there was an attractive girl that kept chasing me. Eventually I wound up in the middle of a break in at a house where a friend of mine was trying to steal this girls huge flat screen TV. I know…it was crazy! While I’m in the shower I tell my wife the entire dream…ever last embarrassing detail. She was laughing, shaking her head, and at one point seemed a little concerned about how the dream could be interpreted.

On my drive into the office I was thinking about my wife’s reaction to the dream, and now that I see her note for today there is a very important point I want to drive home. This is my point…Ladies…give your husband room to be honest. Here is what I mean…Imagine if my wife reacted in a way that she was really upset about my dream…Truthfully, in some ways she did have the right to be concerned about the dreams content. She could have taken a totally negative approach, grilled me about who the girl was, and give me the 3^rd degree. You can probably guess what would happen the next time I had a dream and wanted to tell her about it.

I would certainly think twice about doing so.

Instead, my wife chose to take this dream, and use the conversation to show me how much she trusts me. As a husband, to know my wife trusts me, and has my back means more to me than anything in this world. Husbands need this type of confidence because it’s crucial to the role we play as a “guardian” to our family. With this lunch letter my wife single handedly showed me that she isn’t going to let something silly like a dream get in the way of our relationship. She gave me room to tell the truth! As a result, I will continue to open up, and share all of my feelings with her.

At the end of the day trust is all about confidence in another person. It is so fragile and delicate, and must be protected at all times. If you are in a relationship where trust and confidence are lacking it is something that must be addressed in order for a healthy relationship to exist. There is no room for anything less than the truth, even if someone has good intentions by trying to "protect someones feelings." I understand there are relationships where someone is actually afraid to be honest, because their partner would read so far into something that the truth would cause more damage than a little white lie. If you are on either side of this situation you need to realize this is a major relationship emergency. Check your marriage into rehab, and fix this immediately. Everyone needs “room to tell the truth.” Don’t be quick to react, give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ALWAYS HAVE YOUR SPOUSES BACK.