Reality Check

“Back to life, back to reality…Back to those days of my hubby knowing he’s my #1”

Between my wife and myself we have 2 girls. I have Morgan from a previous marriage, and together we have Chandler. This past Sunday was a HUGE milestone for my wife and I because our youngest daughter Chandler Grace turned 1 year old. I’m sure if you’re a mother, you remember your first child’s first birthday more than all others; and my wife was no different. Chandler's birthday was the party of all parties, and my wife has spent the past 6 weeks preparing for this event like no other. One of the many things I love about Heather is that she is a real “do it yourself” kinda gal. If she see’s something in a magazine or on Pinterest she can create the exact same thing in no time. She hammers, she saws, she cuts, she sews and she hot glues just about anything she can get her hands on.

By the time last Monday came around she had everything nailed down to the last detail. And as always, she had her perfectly planned schedule shaded in different colors so she was certain not to miss a thing. She worked from dusk til’ dawn (literally) juggling our baby and Morgan, cleaning, cooking and decorating and by the time Friday hit, and her entire family arrived from out of town everything was in place for the perfect first birthday party.

I took a back seat for the past month and a half, and honestly I did not mind one bit. My wife has treated me like a king since the day we met, and I have every reason to let her have this time and support her efforts in this endeavor. As Sunday morning approached I sat back and watched in awe at my wife, and how she balanced the set up of the party, entertaining guests, herding small children and making everyone feel welcome. This dance went on for the entire party. Of course everyone had nothing but great things to say about the entire event, and when it was all winding down I began to notice a change in my wife’s behavior. At first it was subtle, but by the time the last guest left there was clearly something wrong with Heather.

Since the party was held at the Botanical Gardens, we decided to take a stroll through the park… Just the 4 of us. As I glanced over at Heather her eyes were filled up with tears. I just couldn’t understand it. Here we were…my wife had just pulled off the party of a lifetime, everyone had a blast and we were walking as a family through these beautiful gardens and she was upset. What could possibly be wrong with this moment?

Here’s what was wrong…the past 365 days had blown by, and she realized that we only had 17 more of those left before Chandler was grown and out of our home. Heather had been so busy with the planning of this party that she never had time to stop and think about the fact her first born child JUST TURNED ONE! Isn’t that just like the way we go through life most of the time. We look forward to the next “big thing.” We plan for it, we prepare for it and we anticipate it with so much excitement. Then it just comes and goes in a blink of an eye. Well here is my take away from this…it’s not all about the event, or the next big thing…it’s about the journey, and the experience of getting there. Sure, Chandler’s party was fun…Honestly it was pretty amazing. But ultimately it was a small wrinkle of time. On the flip side of that the past year with our little gift has been a true blessing. She is healthy, happy and so much fun to be around. In other words…It’s about the journey, not the destination.

I want to encourage you to make sure you are not focusing on the destination more than you are the journey. Make sure you are engaging yourself everyday in the little things, and investing in those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments because those are the things you will carry with you for a lifetime. Those are the things that you will remember, and you will hold closer than all others.

Sincerely Sorry...

OK…So when I set out on this little adventure of mine to document my sweet lunch notes from my wife I made a commitment to myself that I would do this for an entire year. Over the past 6 weeks things have been completely turned upside down, and I have really slacked off. First, my family suffered a terrible loss with the death of a very close family member. She was extremely supportive of my blog, and now that she is gone I feel like a little spark has left lunch letters. None the less, I press on. Second, my wife has spent the last few weeks planning our daughters 1^st birthday. We celebrated yesterday in disbelief that time has passed so quickly. Needless to say, the letters have been a hit and miss lately because the party simply consumed so much of her time. To all the lunch letters fans I sincerely apologize. Now that all of my excuses are on the table I plan on getting back to my normal routine of a daily note. I appreciate all of your comments and messages and words of encouragement. I hope you will continue to read the blog, and share with your friends. Tomorrow will pick up with what I expect to be a great little note from my sweet Heather.

See ya tomorrow!

The way to his heart...

“You put the ding dong in my bell pepper of life”

I’m sure you have heard your grandmother say “the way to a man’s heart isthrough is stomach.” If you don’t believe this you might want to schedule a trip to visit granny…because she really was onto something.

I realize that in today’s world it is no longer “socially cool” to be a “home maker.” I have liberal friends (close friends) who just couldn’t stomach the idea of being a stay at home mom / wife. Nothing blows my mind more than listening to a lady talk about how her husband has to split the duties of house keeping, cooking, raising the children and all the day to day activities that go hand in hand with running a home. What really gets under my skin is when people down play this role like it really isn’t a “job.” Either way you look at it, staying home with children is one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs a wife can take on. I look at my wife when I get home from work and just thank God that my children have her to look at every day. I love that my kids have such a Christian example to learn from, and look up to all day.  

Now I understand that all women can’t stay home, and for those who do not want to…hey…it’s all good…I’m really neutral on the subject. For my wife and myself we simply choose to have Heather stay at home. I was raised by a working mom, and to this day she is one of my closest friends, and I would put my love for her against anystay at home mom’s son. Whether you are in the work force or not, there is something to be said about a prepared meal for a husband. When I come home, and my wife has a dinner prepared that taste’s delicious it shows me that she really took time do something special. Not every night is a home cooked meal. Some nights are pizza or take out…but for the times my wife cooks…AWE MAN IT’S GOOD!

I have so many buddies who are forced to do the cooking at home. And for some people that is ok. But every now and then a man needs to be FED people! If you want to really make your man happy…come home from work a couple of hours before he does…prepare a special meal for him. Make him sit down, bring him his plate and his drink…and then his dessert. Do the same for any kids too… I guarantee you will see a HUGE smile on everyone’s face, and they will be so thankful. And then when you snuggle up close at bed time, turn the lights off and whisper in his ear “Your turn to cook tomorrow….”

If you are looking for some great recipes check out this facebook page. It is called DreamHome Cooking. My sister has her own Cooking Show, and best selling Cookbook!!! Hereis a link to her page. 

https://www.facebook.com/DreamHomeCooking 

DO NOT be that girl!

“I love you more than all the sand on all the beaches in all the world!”

One of my mostannoying personality traits is that I am the KING of useless information. Ireally love to hear about fun facts, and get the details about things thatreally have no importance in our day to day life. So when I saw my wife’s lunchletter today I just had to google “how many grains of sand are there on earth?”The most consistent answer I found on several different scientific sites wasthat there are 700,500,000,000,000,000,000 grains of sand on earth (or sevenquintillion five quadrillion).

Honestly now,that is a STAGGERING number. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you have heard someone reference loving someone more than grains of sand. But if I had to guess what my wife is really trying to say here is that her love for me just isn't measurable. Just the fact that my wife feels this way, and is able to express her feelings, is so humbling to me. The way I look at is, when you really love someone, it is not possible to tell them how much you care about them. You can try, but it's just not going to do your feelings justice. Your love is so ridiculously HUGE that you yourself can’t wrap your mind around it.

While my wife is great about communicating how much she loves me in a sweet way…some people aren't so lucky. Just like it is impossible to really understand how big the number seven quintillion is, some men just can’t come out and say to the people they love how much they really care. Now there is no way I am qualified to tell you all the different reasons men (and some women too) have such a hard time opening up. But what I can tell you is that each man has his own way of expressing his feelings.  

Now stick with me here, because what I’m able to tell you is VERY important. If your husband is the kind of guy who just doesn’t seem to open up, and you are constantly thinking “I just wish he would express his feelings to me!” I’m about to give you a really tough wake up call. If your man is not the type to quote you apoem, or tell you his deepest feelings and secrets…HE IS NEVER GOING TO BE! And I know what you might be thinking now too... You are thinking to yourself “But he was so sensitive and open when we first met…” Seriously, you can’t pull that card…otherwise men would pull the “padded bra and make up card!” That’s right…I said it…we all put up somewhat of a false front when we first meet. So what…that time is gone now,and you need to understand how your hubbs works.

For some guy’s (most guy’s actually) the fact that they would have to CONSTANTLY tell a women how they feel, and how much they love them is a complete burden, and a total turn off. Write this down…LET YOU MAN RELAX. If you are constantly on your husband about this you need to give him room. He isn’t going to change, and you need to begin focusing on his other good qualities because otherwise, you are going to bury yourself in misery, dreaming about the past and fantasizing about a guy that doesn’t exist (at least not under YOUR roof) And we all know that is dangerous territory.

So ladies…if you find yourself relating to this blog than give your guy a break. Learn to understand him, and stop wishing his less than perfect qualities away. Instead, actively seek to find what it is that makes you both tick, and stay focused on those great qualities. If you are scratching your head saying “This guy has no idea what he is talking about?” than you should rest easy that your sensitive man will be whispering sweet nothings in your ear as soon as you get home from work. Either way your are not alone, and you have someone who truly cares about you and your family. That is A LOT more that some people can say. 

Find his passion

“Hope you’re day is as sunny and bright as the near future of Alabama Football.

P.S. Have you seen our killer recruiting???”

It’s so hard for me to pin point my favorite thing about my wife. In all honesty, she has so many areas that make her amazing…But one of the top things I love about Heather, my favorite is that she is a DIE HARD University of Alabama fan. We both graduated from the University within 6 months of each other, and there is no question that she and I both love our Crimson Tide. So, every year we count down the days (which as of this post is 126) to kick off.

As you can see with today’s lunch letter her excitement is based upon some information she recently received about a certain player that signed on to play football at the University. She has such a passion for sport of college football, and so much enthusiasm for Bama. Can you imagine how it makes me feel, as a man, to be able to hold a conversation about college football with my wife??? I mean seriously, she knows every detail about the sport, the players and the overall understanding of the game. While my buddies are having to sneak games, or listen to their wives ask questions like “what is that guy doing kicking the ball,” or “can you explain to me how many points for a touchdown?” my wife is standing up, screaming at the ref for a bad call and high-fiving my friends with a cold beer in her hand.

It never fails…at almost every game, one (or all) of my friends will say “you are so lucky to have such a cool wife!” And they couldn’t be more right…

So here is my point…Do you know what your husband is passionate about? Do you know what makes him open up, and get excited? Whatever your husband is passionate about you might want to consider learning about it. You can’t imagine how much joy you would bring into your husband’s life if you were GENUINELY passionate about his biggest hobby, or interest. Pick up a golf club, watch a game with enthusiasm, sit in a deer stand…the list goes on and on and on. The bottom line is that he will immediately recognize your effort, and I promise he will perk up, and you will see the little boy in him come out to play.

At the end of the day a relationship is all about effort, commitment and sacrifice. If you just put a little of these 3 ingredients into your man’s biggest love (outside of you and his family of course), I assure you that only the sweetest of treats will be the result.

Click the link below for a women’s guide to understandingcollege football

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke2nI5tRhdA

When Heart Failure Is Funny!

"In 7 short years you'll have all 3 of our girls there for TYKTWD"

Today, April 26th, is National Take Your Kid To Work Day. Our company decided a month ago that we were going to totally blow this out this year. So we planned and coordinated what may just be one of the largest, and most organized Bring Your Kids To Work Day events for our employee's children today. Fully loaded with a meet & greet session for parents and children, a full breakfast, organized meetings, hands on construction training and even a group coaching session by our CEO with the kids. A local news station and our newspaper covered the event. The group coaching session was done during lunch, at which time a couple dozen cheese pizza's were served up for the kids and their parents. I brought my lunch today in an effort to avoid the hurt burn and extra calories. So fortunately, I got a lunch letter today. Unfortunately, It gave me a heart attack! Well... almost...

So here is the root of my heart sinking to my stomach...I only have 2 daughters!!! The note states I have 3...As I read this note to myself with all of our employees and their children around me I sunk into a state of complete shock. Immediately, the screams of the kids, and their laughter of their parents began to fade until all I could hear was a faint, high pitched ringing in my ears. 

Shock 1: My wife be pregnant! We just started working on this...

Shock 2: How could my wife tell me she is pregnant in a lunch note, on a napkin!

Shock 3: How am I going to get through the rest of this day knowing my wife is pregnant, and not be able to see her, or give her a hug and tell her how excited and scared I am all at the same time!!!

So in order to keep my sanity, and prevent myself from having a total melt down in front of our staff I sent a quick text to confirm the status of the lunch note. 

I'm such an idiot too! In the shock of thinking my wife was pregnant I couldn't even figure out the acronym for take your kid to work day...granted her penmanship is a bit off on her letters. 

Can you remember a misunderstanding of this magnitude in your relationship? Something funny that happened between you and your spouse that you still laugh about to this day? I really believe that when someone says "the good ole' days"....they are ultimately talking about the memories we are making in the prime of our lives. Times like right now. 

I want to challenge you to take just 5 minutes out of your day today. Turn your phone on silent, shut your door and REFLECT. Reflect on your relationship, and find a tiny memory. Find one that makes you smile from ear to ear. Make sure it is something you have not thought about in months...maybe even years. You can't imagine just how good it will feel to find a thought like that. And when your five minutes is up and you have your memory, open your pocket, stuff that memory in there and carry it with you all week. 

Swift kick in the pants!

“I packed you extra nuts today so you can stand up to the O.C. crowd.”

As the Chief Operating Officer of one of the country’s largest home building companies there is something about the spring time that just stresses me out to the max. When April hits it means it is time for me to meet with each of our many communities for their annual HOA meetings. For the most part all of our home owners are very happy, and wonderful to work with. However, for some reason there are always a few individuals in the crowed who find a real pleasure in raising their voices, and pointing fingers (and those fingers go straight at me).  Well…tonight is my first meeting of the year, and my anxiety has been particularly high at home.

After whining and complaining to my wife she finally told me last night in a stern voice “Babe…toughen up! It’s not like this is your first rodeo. You got this.” I was a little taken back, but as I thought about it more and more I realized she was right.

I know that most of my time on this blog has been spent detailing how a wife should back her husband, and be kind and so on…HOWEVER…there comes a time when the lady of the house needs to give her man a swift kick in the pants, and hit his reset button. While men are definitely built tough (at least we like to think we are) there are times where we doubt ourselves, and our ability to get a job done. And I can tell you first hand…this is a BAD feeling, and ALL men go through this a some point in their life.

Heather’s lunch letter today was sending me the message that I needed to man up, and take control of my situation. Without her “nudge” I would still be feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I would be able to pull tonight’s meeting off. But she is so right (as usual) about this.

The next time your husband seems like he is doubting himself or complaining, and you are confident he can get the job done, let him know it. Sure you should be careful how you choose your words, but as a man we are wired to be able to take a tough conversation and turn it into a motivating moment. Ladies, haven’t you ever watched a sports movie with your husband? Imagine how those coaches talk to their players. They get in their players faces, yell and scream and ride them until they get the play right. Famous athletes always thank their coaches after a big win for being so hard on them. That’s because their coaches believed in them more than they believed in themselves. And that is how you should handle the man in your life (this goes for your sons too)! Believe in him more than he believes in himself. Give him some tough love every now and then….Do this in a loving way, and you will watch him win more in life than you ever imagined. Best of all…guess who he will thank, and give the credit to when the game is over?