Reality Check

“Back to life, back to reality…Back to those days of my hubby knowing he’s my #1”

Between my wife and myself we have 2 girls. I have Morgan from a previous marriage, and together we have Chandler. This past Sunday was a HUGE milestone for my wife and I because our youngest daughter Chandler Grace turned 1 year old. I’m sure if you’re a mother, you remember your first child’s first birthday more than all others; and my wife was no different. Chandler's birthday was the party of all parties, and my wife has spent the past 6 weeks preparing for this event like no other. One of the many things I love about Heather is that she is a real “do it yourself” kinda gal. If she see’s something in a magazine or on Pinterest she can create the exact same thing in no time. She hammers, she saws, she cuts, she sews and she hot glues just about anything she can get her hands on.

By the time last Monday came around she had everything nailed down to the last detail. And as always, she had her perfectly planned schedule shaded in different colors so she was certain not to miss a thing. She worked from dusk til’ dawn (literally) juggling our baby and Morgan, cleaning, cooking and decorating and by the time Friday hit, and her entire family arrived from out of town everything was in place for the perfect first birthday party.

I took a back seat for the past month and a half, and honestly I did not mind one bit. My wife has treated me like a king since the day we met, and I have every reason to let her have this time and support her efforts in this endeavor. As Sunday morning approached I sat back and watched in awe at my wife, and how she balanced the set up of the party, entertaining guests, herding small children and making everyone feel welcome. This dance went on for the entire party. Of course everyone had nothing but great things to say about the entire event, and when it was all winding down I began to notice a change in my wife’s behavior. At first it was subtle, but by the time the last guest left there was clearly something wrong with Heather.

Since the party was held at the Botanical Gardens, we decided to take a stroll through the park… Just the 4 of us. As I glanced over at Heather her eyes were filled up with tears. I just couldn’t understand it. Here we were…my wife had just pulled off the party of a lifetime, everyone had a blast and we were walking as a family through these beautiful gardens and she was upset. What could possibly be wrong with this moment?

Here’s what was wrong…the past 365 days had blown by, and she realized that we only had 17 more of those left before Chandler was grown and out of our home. Heather had been so busy with the planning of this party that she never had time to stop and think about the fact her first born child JUST TURNED ONE! Isn’t that just like the way we go through life most of the time. We look forward to the next “big thing.” We plan for it, we prepare for it and we anticipate it with so much excitement. Then it just comes and goes in a blink of an eye. Well here is my take away from this…it’s not all about the event, or the next big thing…it’s about the journey, and the experience of getting there. Sure, Chandler’s party was fun…Honestly it was pretty amazing. But ultimately it was a small wrinkle of time. On the flip side of that the past year with our little gift has been a true blessing. She is healthy, happy and so much fun to be around. In other words…It’s about the journey, not the destination.

I want to encourage you to make sure you are not focusing on the destination more than you are the journey. Make sure you are engaging yourself everyday in the little things, and investing in those tiny, seemingly insignificant moments because those are the things you will carry with you for a lifetime. Those are the things that you will remember, and you will hold closer than all others.

Sincerely Sorry...

OK…So when I set out on this little adventure of mine to document my sweet lunch notes from my wife I made a commitment to myself that I would do this for an entire year. Over the past 6 weeks things have been completely turned upside down, and I have really slacked off. First, my family suffered a terrible loss with the death of a very close family member. She was extremely supportive of my blog, and now that she is gone I feel like a little spark has left lunch letters. None the less, I press on. Second, my wife has spent the last few weeks planning our daughters 1^st birthday. We celebrated yesterday in disbelief that time has passed so quickly. Needless to say, the letters have been a hit and miss lately because the party simply consumed so much of her time. To all the lunch letters fans I sincerely apologize. Now that all of my excuses are on the table I plan on getting back to my normal routine of a daily note. I appreciate all of your comments and messages and words of encouragement. I hope you will continue to read the blog, and share with your friends. Tomorrow will pick up with what I expect to be a great little note from my sweet Heather.

See ya tomorrow!

The way to his heart...

“You put the ding dong in my bell pepper of life”

I’m sure you have heard your grandmother say “the way to a man’s heart isthrough is stomach.” If you don’t believe this you might want to schedule a trip to visit granny…because she really was onto something.

I realize that in today’s world it is no longer “socially cool” to be a “home maker.” I have liberal friends (close friends) who just couldn’t stomach the idea of being a stay at home mom / wife. Nothing blows my mind more than listening to a lady talk about how her husband has to split the duties of house keeping, cooking, raising the children and all the day to day activities that go hand in hand with running a home. What really gets under my skin is when people down play this role like it really isn’t a “job.” Either way you look at it, staying home with children is one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs a wife can take on. I look at my wife when I get home from work and just thank God that my children have her to look at every day. I love that my kids have such a Christian example to learn from, and look up to all day.  

Now I understand that all women can’t stay home, and for those who do not want to…hey…it’s all good…I’m really neutral on the subject. For my wife and myself we simply choose to have Heather stay at home. I was raised by a working mom, and to this day she is one of my closest friends, and I would put my love for her against anystay at home mom’s son. Whether you are in the work force or not, there is something to be said about a prepared meal for a husband. When I come home, and my wife has a dinner prepared that taste’s delicious it shows me that she really took time do something special. Not every night is a home cooked meal. Some nights are pizza or take out…but for the times my wife cooks…AWE MAN IT’S GOOD!

I have so many buddies who are forced to do the cooking at home. And for some people that is ok. But every now and then a man needs to be FED people! If you want to really make your man happy…come home from work a couple of hours before he does…prepare a special meal for him. Make him sit down, bring him his plate and his drink…and then his dessert. Do the same for any kids too… I guarantee you will see a HUGE smile on everyone’s face, and they will be so thankful. And then when you snuggle up close at bed time, turn the lights off and whisper in his ear “Your turn to cook tomorrow….”

If you are looking for some great recipes check out this facebook page. It is called DreamHome Cooking. My sister has her own Cooking Show, and best selling Cookbook!!! Hereis a link to her page. 

https://www.facebook.com/DreamHomeCooking 

DO NOT be that girl!

“I love you more than all the sand on all the beaches in all the world!”

One of my mostannoying personality traits is that I am the KING of useless information. Ireally love to hear about fun facts, and get the details about things thatreally have no importance in our day to day life. So when I saw my wife’s lunchletter today I just had to google “how many grains of sand are there on earth?”The most consistent answer I found on several different scientific sites wasthat there are 700,500,000,000,000,000,000 grains of sand on earth (or sevenquintillion five quadrillion).

Honestly now,that is a STAGGERING number. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you have heard someone reference loving someone more than grains of sand. But if I had to guess what my wife is really trying to say here is that her love for me just isn't measurable. Just the fact that my wife feels this way, and is able to express her feelings, is so humbling to me. The way I look at is, when you really love someone, it is not possible to tell them how much you care about them. You can try, but it's just not going to do your feelings justice. Your love is so ridiculously HUGE that you yourself can’t wrap your mind around it.

While my wife is great about communicating how much she loves me in a sweet way…some people aren't so lucky. Just like it is impossible to really understand how big the number seven quintillion is, some men just can’t come out and say to the people they love how much they really care. Now there is no way I am qualified to tell you all the different reasons men (and some women too) have such a hard time opening up. But what I can tell you is that each man has his own way of expressing his feelings.  

Now stick with me here, because what I’m able to tell you is VERY important. If your husband is the kind of guy who just doesn’t seem to open up, and you are constantly thinking “I just wish he would express his feelings to me!” I’m about to give you a really tough wake up call. If your man is not the type to quote you apoem, or tell you his deepest feelings and secrets…HE IS NEVER GOING TO BE! And I know what you might be thinking now too... You are thinking to yourself “But he was so sensitive and open when we first met…” Seriously, you can’t pull that card…otherwise men would pull the “padded bra and make up card!” That’s right…I said it…we all put up somewhat of a false front when we first meet. So what…that time is gone now,and you need to understand how your hubbs works.

For some guy’s (most guy’s actually) the fact that they would have to CONSTANTLY tell a women how they feel, and how much they love them is a complete burden, and a total turn off. Write this down…LET YOU MAN RELAX. If you are constantly on your husband about this you need to give him room. He isn’t going to change, and you need to begin focusing on his other good qualities because otherwise, you are going to bury yourself in misery, dreaming about the past and fantasizing about a guy that doesn’t exist (at least not under YOUR roof) And we all know that is dangerous territory.

So ladies…if you find yourself relating to this blog than give your guy a break. Learn to understand him, and stop wishing his less than perfect qualities away. Instead, actively seek to find what it is that makes you both tick, and stay focused on those great qualities. If you are scratching your head saying “This guy has no idea what he is talking about?” than you should rest easy that your sensitive man will be whispering sweet nothings in your ear as soon as you get home from work. Either way your are not alone, and you have someone who truly cares about you and your family. That is A LOT more that some people can say. 

Find his passion

“Hope you’re day is as sunny and bright as the near future of Alabama Football.

P.S. Have you seen our killer recruiting???”

It’s so hard for me to pin point my favorite thing about my wife. In all honesty, she has so many areas that make her amazing…But one of the top things I love about Heather, my favorite is that she is a DIE HARD University of Alabama fan. We both graduated from the University within 6 months of each other, and there is no question that she and I both love our Crimson Tide. So, every year we count down the days (which as of this post is 126) to kick off.

As you can see with today’s lunch letter her excitement is based upon some information she recently received about a certain player that signed on to play football at the University. She has such a passion for sport of college football, and so much enthusiasm for Bama. Can you imagine how it makes me feel, as a man, to be able to hold a conversation about college football with my wife??? I mean seriously, she knows every detail about the sport, the players and the overall understanding of the game. While my buddies are having to sneak games, or listen to their wives ask questions like “what is that guy doing kicking the ball,” or “can you explain to me how many points for a touchdown?” my wife is standing up, screaming at the ref for a bad call and high-fiving my friends with a cold beer in her hand.

It never fails…at almost every game, one (or all) of my friends will say “you are so lucky to have such a cool wife!” And they couldn’t be more right…

So here is my point…Do you know what your husband is passionate about? Do you know what makes him open up, and get excited? Whatever your husband is passionate about you might want to consider learning about it. You can’t imagine how much joy you would bring into your husband’s life if you were GENUINELY passionate about his biggest hobby, or interest. Pick up a golf club, watch a game with enthusiasm, sit in a deer stand…the list goes on and on and on. The bottom line is that he will immediately recognize your effort, and I promise he will perk up, and you will see the little boy in him come out to play.

At the end of the day a relationship is all about effort, commitment and sacrifice. If you just put a little of these 3 ingredients into your man’s biggest love (outside of you and his family of course), I assure you that only the sweetest of treats will be the result.

Click the link below for a women’s guide to understandingcollege football

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke2nI5tRhdA

When Heart Failure Is Funny!

"In 7 short years you'll have all 3 of our girls there for TYKTWD"

Today, April 26th, is National Take Your Kid To Work Day. Our company decided a month ago that we were going to totally blow this out this year. So we planned and coordinated what may just be one of the largest, and most organized Bring Your Kids To Work Day events for our employee's children today. Fully loaded with a meet & greet session for parents and children, a full breakfast, organized meetings, hands on construction training and even a group coaching session by our CEO with the kids. A local news station and our newspaper covered the event. The group coaching session was done during lunch, at which time a couple dozen cheese pizza's were served up for the kids and their parents. I brought my lunch today in an effort to avoid the hurt burn and extra calories. So fortunately, I got a lunch letter today. Unfortunately, It gave me a heart attack! Well... almost...

So here is the root of my heart sinking to my stomach...I only have 2 daughters!!! The note states I have 3...As I read this note to myself with all of our employees and their children around me I sunk into a state of complete shock. Immediately, the screams of the kids, and their laughter of their parents began to fade until all I could hear was a faint, high pitched ringing in my ears. 

Shock 1: My wife be pregnant! We just started working on this...

Shock 2: How could my wife tell me she is pregnant in a lunch note, on a napkin!

Shock 3: How am I going to get through the rest of this day knowing my wife is pregnant, and not be able to see her, or give her a hug and tell her how excited and scared I am all at the same time!!!

So in order to keep my sanity, and prevent myself from having a total melt down in front of our staff I sent a quick text to confirm the status of the lunch note. 

I'm such an idiot too! In the shock of thinking my wife was pregnant I couldn't even figure out the acronym for take your kid to work day...granted her penmanship is a bit off on her letters. 

Can you remember a misunderstanding of this magnitude in your relationship? Something funny that happened between you and your spouse that you still laugh about to this day? I really believe that when someone says "the good ole' days"....they are ultimately talking about the memories we are making in the prime of our lives. Times like right now. 

I want to challenge you to take just 5 minutes out of your day today. Turn your phone on silent, shut your door and REFLECT. Reflect on your relationship, and find a tiny memory. Find one that makes you smile from ear to ear. Make sure it is something you have not thought about in months...maybe even years. You can't imagine just how good it will feel to find a thought like that. And when your five minutes is up and you have your memory, open your pocket, stuff that memory in there and carry it with you all week. 

Swift kick in the pants!

“I packed you extra nuts today so you can stand up to the O.C. crowd.”

As the Chief Operating Officer of one of the country’s largest home building companies there is something about the spring time that just stresses me out to the max. When April hits it means it is time for me to meet with each of our many communities for their annual HOA meetings. For the most part all of our home owners are very happy, and wonderful to work with. However, for some reason there are always a few individuals in the crowed who find a real pleasure in raising their voices, and pointing fingers (and those fingers go straight at me).  Well…tonight is my first meeting of the year, and my anxiety has been particularly high at home.

After whining and complaining to my wife she finally told me last night in a stern voice “Babe…toughen up! It’s not like this is your first rodeo. You got this.” I was a little taken back, but as I thought about it more and more I realized she was right.

I know that most of my time on this blog has been spent detailing how a wife should back her husband, and be kind and so on…HOWEVER…there comes a time when the lady of the house needs to give her man a swift kick in the pants, and hit his reset button. While men are definitely built tough (at least we like to think we are) there are times where we doubt ourselves, and our ability to get a job done. And I can tell you first hand…this is a BAD feeling, and ALL men go through this a some point in their life.

Heather’s lunch letter today was sending me the message that I needed to man up, and take control of my situation. Without her “nudge” I would still be feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I would be able to pull tonight’s meeting off. But she is so right (as usual) about this.

The next time your husband seems like he is doubting himself or complaining, and you are confident he can get the job done, let him know it. Sure you should be careful how you choose your words, but as a man we are wired to be able to take a tough conversation and turn it into a motivating moment. Ladies, haven’t you ever watched a sports movie with your husband? Imagine how those coaches talk to their players. They get in their players faces, yell and scream and ride them until they get the play right. Famous athletes always thank their coaches after a big win for being so hard on them. That’s because their coaches believed in them more than they believed in themselves. And that is how you should handle the man in your life (this goes for your sons too)! Believe in him more than he believes in himself. Give him some tough love every now and then….Do this in a loving way, and you will watch him win more in life than you ever imagined. Best of all…guess who he will thank, and give the credit to when the game is over?

Room with a view



“I love you, and trust you enough to still let you join a running club.”

I have two favorite times of the day during the week, and they are equally special to me. One is that every evening we eat dinner as a family at the breakfast table (FYI – Our dining room table has seen 3 meals in 2 ½ years – I’ll save that one for another blog), and the other is that my wife and I wake up early, and while I’m getting ready for work we have about 20 minutes to talk, and catch each other up on the days events. It’s kind of like a debriefing of the day, and this time keeps us on the same page for the most part. So last night I had the craziest dream about joining a running club. In the running club there was an attractive girl that kept chasing me. Eventually I wound up in the middle of a break in at a house where a friend of mine was trying to steal this girls huge flat screen TV. I know…it was crazy! While I’m in the shower I tell my wife the entire dream…ever last embarrassing detail. She was laughing, shaking her head, and at one point seemed a little concerned about how the dream could be interpreted.

On my drive into the office I was thinking about my wife’s reaction to the dream, and now that I see her note for today there is a very important point I want to drive home. This is my point…Ladies…give your husband room to be honest. Here is what I mean…Imagine if my wife reacted in a way that she was really upset about my dream…Truthfully, in some ways she did have the right to be concerned about the dreams content. She could have taken a totally negative approach, grilled me about who the girl was, and give me the 3^rd degree. You can probably guess what would happen the next time I had a dream and wanted to tell her about it.

I would certainly think twice about doing so.

Instead, my wife chose to take this dream, and use the conversation to show me how much she trusts me. As a husband, to know my wife trusts me, and has my back means more to me than anything in this world. Husbands need this type of confidence because it’s crucial to the role we play as a “guardian” to our family. With this lunch letter my wife single handedly showed me that she isn’t going to let something silly like a dream get in the way of our relationship. She gave me room to tell the truth! As a result, I will continue to open up, and share all of my feelings with her.

At the end of the day trust is all about confidence in another person. It is so fragile and delicate, and must be protected at all times. If you are in a relationship where trust and confidence are lacking it is something that must be addressed in order for a healthy relationship to exist. There is no room for anything less than the truth, even if someone has good intentions by trying to "protect someones feelings." I understand there are relationships where someone is actually afraid to be honest, because their partner would read so far into something that the truth would cause more damage than a little white lie. If you are on either side of this situation you need to realize this is a major relationship emergency. Check your marriage into rehab, and fix this immediately. Everyone needs “room to tell the truth.” Don’t be quick to react, give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ALWAYS HAVE YOUR SPOUSES BACK.

Oh the pain...

“I miss you already! I love you!”

The day is short, and I’m heading out of town soon for my trip that I spoke about in yesterday’s blog. I’m limited on time but I have to tell you that last night my wife gave me 8 cards (I couldn’t make this up ya’ll). One card for the road, one for each morning and one card for each night. So it looks like I will have some notes/cards to post when I return.

I think it’s neat that you can miss someone before they are actually gone. Just the pure anticipation of the separation totally changes your body’s chemistry. It adds an element to a relationship much like when you first begin dating. It’s really nice to return to that anxiousness (or at least a different form of it) from time to time. When you miss someone so much it hurts, you are definitely with the right one!

Do not be a zoo keeper!

“Only 72 48hours until your adventure begins JI love you baby”

There is one concept that is missed by most wives…and when Isay missed…I mean MISSED! By nature, men need comradery.  We need to feel a sense of brotherhood, andfrom time to time men just need to get away with the guy’s, curse a little, burpand fart a lot and tell the same stories with “the guy’s.” If your shaking yourhead right now and thinking “that’s such a typical guy thing to say…my husbanddoesn’t need to do that” well then I have a wakeup call for ya sister! If youdon’t encourage your hubby to get away with his pals for a little “man time”than you have clipped the wings of an eagle.  And if you are one of those womenwho refuse to give “permission” to your spouse to enjoy some time away, youhave essentially casterated the lion. Im mean for cryin' out loud its already been tamed, and lives in a cage. Seriously...don't be a zoo keeper!

Consider this…from the beginning of time men have been thegathers. They roamed the land searching for food, killed their prey and broughtit back to the village to eat. They did this as a group. Rarely did huntersseek out meals alone. Picture these dirty, hairy, smelly cavemen returning totheir village with their animals in hand…I can just hear them grunting and seethem pounding their filthy hands on their hairy bare chests. All trying to outdo theother… Now imagine the stories those cave women had to listen over and overagain. And newsflash…if they ever corrected their exaggerating cave-husband and said anything like “now honey…the dinosaur youkilled wasn’t THAT big” it would be WAAAAP! Right upside the head with a club.Now I am certainly not condoning the clubbing of wives so don’t hit the deletebutton just yet. Believe it or not I’m getting to a really good point here.

In 2 days I will leave for my annual backpacking trip with some of my oldcollege roommates. You have no idea how many of them will be telling storiesover the 4 day trip about how their wife hasn’t talked to them for 2 weeks becausethey are so upset with them for leaving. And then there’s myself and Jason. Jason has a great supporting wife who is one of the kindest people you would ever meet. Wewill laugh at these other guy’s the entire time because our wives gave us somuch support. And while the other guy’s are sitting around the camp firetalking about how selfish their ladies back home are…guess what? Me and oleJason will be sitting there with a smile on our faces, and all the whilewondering why we came into the woods because we miss our wives and kids sostinking much. It never fails. Jason and I, every year, do nothing but mope inconfidence because we are so homesick. Sure…it is FANTASTIC to get away. Butreally, you can’t imagine how much I miss my wife.

If you struggle with letting your husband spread his wings alittle you might want to try changing things up. Heck…you could even suggestthat he go enjoy some time with the guy’s. Watch his face when you encouragehim to go play golf or go fishing with a buddy…while he is gone send him a text(don’t call) about how happy you are that he is getting some guy time….and whenhe comes home have something fabulous ready for him for dinner. I’m tellingyou, he will be so impressed with your attitude that it could be a real gamechanger.

*Disclaimer: this blog is based uponan every now and then occurance. In no way to I support spending more time awayfrom the family than with them. Unless your husband is into deer hunting. …ifthat is the case you just out of luck J

Chirp Chirp

“My sky is a little bluer today and the birds are chirping a little louder.” J

From time to time I will find myself in a rut. It seems like the stress at work begins to pile up, the kids bring home a bad grade, there are some family and friend issues going on that are extremely difficult to handle and BAAMM!!! I’m in a funk. I hate when this happens. It’s like I am watching a movie of myself. I’m dragging around, feeling sorry for pitiful me, having a negative attitude and making those around me miserable. It doesn’t happen too often, but when it does WATCH OUT! And then just as quickly as it came on – SNAP – I’m out of it. But in order to get out of it we need someone to reach out their hand, pull us up and dust off our backs for us.

In a marriage it is so important for us to reach out our hands and pick up our partners. Even when we know we are in the right. After a pretty huge disagreement the other night, and an evening of mutual silent treatment I left the house the next morning just as angry as I was when I went to sleep. The worst part is the whole reason my wife and I were fighting was because of my crappy attitude. On the way in to work yesterday my wife called me. I barely got hello out, and she said “I want you to know that no matter what I love you more than anything in this entire world. I’m sorry for last night, and I hope you have a good day.” And she said this with the utmost conviction and sincerity. I could really feel her trying to be tender hearted. After we hung up I couldn’t help but think Why would she do that? Why would she call me and say all those things when this whole thing is my fault…it hit me today that she could care less about winning a fight. She only cares about growing from the disagreement, keeping our family totally united and getting back on track to our usual life (which really is wonderful).

Would you ever do that? Would you offer up an apology, and a kind word to someone who was totally in the wrong? All because you knew that if you would just give in a little bit the one you cared about  you would pull them out of their funk. Imagine how much different your relationships could be if you decided to speak the first kind words after an argument. One thing to always keep in mind is that men are genetically programmed to fight to the death. No matter what a win is a win in our book. That is how little boys are raised in athletics, and even brought up in the world of business.

As a wife I bet you could never imagine how humbling it would be to your husband if you let him off of the hook when you knew you had him backed into the corner of some ridiculous fight. I would almost guarantee that you would never forget the look on his face when you said “Baby, I love you, I’m sorry.” You really should give it a try. I bet if you can find the strength and courage to do this your sky will be a little more blue, and you will definitely here the birds singing!

Click below to see the “Happy Working Song” from the movie Enchanted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAsG__XjU8Q

Awkward Silence

"     "

It is so rare for my wife and I to get into any type of argument. And when we get into an argument it is always about the same thing…THE KIDS! Each of us have so many different opinions on how to discipline our children. While I talk a big game to my oldest daughter Morgan (8 years old), and I keep her in line with a verbal scolding from time to time…I’m pretty much a sucker for big crocodile tears, a snotty nose and those deep hyperventilating gasps that try work their way through sobbing sentences, and prevent a child from getting their words out.

I have a blank napkin today because I’m totally in the dog house AND I had to make my own lunch this morning! Which sucks on so many levels…I had 2 boiled eggs and a piece of string cheese today. Hell hath no fury right J  

So last night my wife asked Morgan to please clean her room (it was a HUGE mess). Morgan stomped her feet up the stairs, and we could hear her “lolly-gagging” and singing songs from the kitchen below. So my wife heads up to give her some motivation. Unfortunately, only tough love works on Moe. And that is just what Heather was giving her.

Here is where things get complicated. As I child growing up my father was a very tough disciplinarian. To the point where now as an adult I find myself avoiding disciplinary situations just so that I don’t open a painful door to my past. My wife can’t understand that, and unless you were brought up in a home where you feared  a parents wrath you may not be able to relate to this post. While I have an amazing relationship with my dad (he is truly one of my closest friends) today; there was a time as a kid that was a very difficult period. Because of that I find myself going the opposite direction with my children. I know it is probably not right, but I tend to let so much slide because I want them to see me as a gentle person.

So how do you fix this…surely we can’t be the only husband and wife to fight about how to discipline their kids. But what do you do when your idea of discipline is so far at the opposite end of the spectrum its hard to find a compromise…You see…this is the most difficult thing about parenting to me because there is no way to know if you handled it the right way until you look back in 20 years and your kids are grown.  For me and my sisters, the tough love we received from dad landed us all in pretty good positions in life. So looking back that style worked for us. But now, anytime I try to discipline my kids I’m afraid of making them feel the way I felt as a child.

By now my wife and I have already laughed this one off. We had a great conversation on my way into  the office, and again at lunch over my boiled eggs. I have agreed to be more supportive of her when it comes to discipline, and I have opened up to her about why I hold back in that area. At the end of the day we would never let something like this come between us because we take the time to talk about it, and work through the issues…even though it meant both of us had to compromise, we had to listen to each other’s points of view that we equally disagreed on and ultimately we had to come to the conclusion that this issue will probably show its ugly face in the future. In the mean time I’m hoping to get not only a note tomorrow…but much more importantly a decent LUNCH!

If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse just can’t seem to take on the role of disciplinarian I want to encourage you to be patient with that person. You need to understand that there is likely something dark in their closet that is not ready to come out. Be patient with your spouse, talk openly about which role each of you play, don’t step on toes by undermining one another and find what works best for you and your family. And if your kids are for the most part well behaved and respectful to you and others, chances are whatever you are doing has worked well…

Multiplicity

"If I could be an octowife I would, to have 8 of you." :)

In the mid 90’s a movie called “Multiplicity” came out starring Michael Keaton and Andie MacDowell. In a nutshell Michael Keaton’s character finds a way to clone himself. He does it one time, and finds that even having two of him just isn’t enough to go around. So he does this again and again and again…until finally his world spins out of control, and the inevitable Hollywood plot of “too much of a good thing” plays out. It’s a really cute movie with lots of laughs, and it really makes you think…I wonder what it would be like to clone myself.

Have you ever thought to yourself “I need two of me just to get things done around here!” Maybe you have even caught yourself saying that out loud to your kids or hubby in a frustrated moment. Looking back on my childhood now, I am amazed at how my mother worked a full time job, and ran our house as if she was a stay at home mom. For 10 hours a day she ran her own hair salon (which was wildly successful in our town), and then came home to make a hot dinner for the family. Laundry was always done, our house was always neat and tidy, she helped me with my home work and never missed any of her children’s after school activities. And when I say never, I mean NEVER! In all my life I bet my mom got to eat her dinner when it was hot maybe 10 times! She was always waiting on her family.

Now that I’m grown, and have kids of my own I can’t imagine putting in the hours she put in, and doing all she did. I wonder how many times she said in her head “If only there were more of me to go around!” I’ll bet it was a lot.

A funny thing about life is that when we are in times of total chaos, and it seems like you are the only one who can get the job done…there is a funny thing that is happening all around you that you might not be aware of…people are watching. And the seriousness of that is the people who are watching are the only people who truly matter in your life. People like your children and your spouse! The truth is that we simply can’t clone ourselves. We can only do what we are capable of. And here is a quick tip...what we are capable of varies from day to day based on what is happening around us. And even when you are giving your best to your familiy you are still going to have failures. These failures are not preventable for 1 reason…YOU ARE HUMAN!

Maybe you have so much going on right now that you just can’t get it done alone, and you still don’t have the help you need…maybe you are just to afraid to ask for help.Maybe other peoples expectations of you are just simply unrealistic. Eitherway, you need to remember that while things are crazy those who love you don’t need you to be 100% of everything 100% of the time. All you need to be is 100% of the same person 100% of the time. So you drop the ball here and there….so what! Your family doesn’t need a perfect mom or wife…they just need a cool head, that reacts the same way under pressure as they do when things are on track.

The next time you find yourself wanting to multiply yourself, I want to encourage you to take a step back, think about who it is you are pleasing, and is whatever you are working on really worth the pressure. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. You need to recognize the differnce between those two. Ask for some help…and sometimes, when the time is right…just let it lay for a day. More than likely it will be there for you to work on tomorrow. You don't have to be an "Octowife!" You just need to be filled with Joy, and shine brightly for those you love, and those who love you.

Oh…here is a funny link from the movie “Multiplicity.” Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vILowPrMMrM

Faulty Wiring

"I love you & don't have time to think of something creative." :)

Do you know someone who feels the need to ALWAYS fill the air with conversation? It’s like…if there is any silence, they feel it is their duty to make sure that they speak up; almost as if the world will come to an abrupt end if they can’t throw their 2 cents in.  Why is it so hard for us to sit in silence sometimes? I have so many buddy’s who complain about their wife, and how from the time they get home from the office to the time they go to bed it’s constant chatter.

I cracked my wife up one time because she overheard a call between me and my best friend from grade school. I said maybe 10 words (mostly "uh huh" and "seriously!", and the call lasted less than 3 minutes. When I hung up she asked me "what was going on?" I said “Blake and his wife are pregnant...” She had so many questions (none of which I could answer) about the details (none of which I could answer). She asked things like, “How far along is she,” “How is she feeling,” “Does she think it’s a boy or a girl,” and on and on and on. What so many women have a hard time understanding is that men just aren't wired that way. Now don’t get me wrong…I know I have been preaching about communication, and how important that is. And I FIRMLY stand by that. However, there are certain times when we just need some room...

A common myth out there is that Women speak around 2,000 words more per day then men. FALSE! There have been countless studies that prove that  Men AND women speak on average 16,000 words per day. EQUALLY! The difference is…Your husband probably doesn’t want to talk about the same things you want to talk about. Quick example: You ask your husband “How was your day to day?” when you he walks in the door, and typically your going to get, at most, “It was fine,” or “I’ve had better”… Now, take that same husband and ask him, “So…how good of a chance does insert hubby’s favorite sports team here have to win the championship this season?” And watch him sling out a couple thousand words in 15 mins. So why is it that sometimes your man seems so closed off?

If you husband seems like he doesn’t talk as much as he used to here are the top reasons:

1.       HE IS JUST TIRED…give him some room and let him breath.

2.       It honestly hasn’t crossed his mind that what you are trying to talk to him about is important…take a minute to tell him you love him, but you need his attention. He will understand. That’s how we communicate!

3.       He is embarrassed…believe it or not guy’s are sometimes embarrassed to talk about certain things. Especially if you are trying to revisit an area where he let you down…give him some time. It might even be better to write him a letter, and ask him to respond to you in writing as well

4.       He is tired of talking about the same thing…men have VERY short attention spans. If you are continually talking about the same thing over and over again he is going to be bored with the conversation. Guy’s HATE to repeat themselves.

5.       He can’t relate to your conversation…if your man’s eyes are glazed over while you are speaking to him chances he just isn’t interested in what you are talking about. It’s nothing against you so don’t be so sensitive!

So if you find yourself in a situation where you are asking yourself “why doesn’t my husband talk to me the way he used to?” you may want to consider sitting back, and just keeping quiet. Let him have some room from time to time. And remember…if you can’t find anything creative to say…there is no need to fill the air with meaningless words. Forced conversation leads to insincere dialog…stay on point! 

Fatty Carbs

"You are the fatty carbs in my life. (I cant live without.) ;)

There are only 2 things in life you “technically” can’t livewithout. Everyone knows this. They are water and food. But what about thosethings in life that you couldn’t imagine yourself going without? My wife laughsat me all the time because I’m always spending money on some new type ofworkout, or I’m trying some new diet that is supposed to help me lose weightquickly. Right now, as you could guess from today’s lunch note, I’m trying alow carb diet. Side note: Don’t EVERstart a low carb diet the week before Easter. How stupid could I be for thatone!

Anyway…back to the blog. How often do you take the time tolet someone close to you know that you can’t live without them? If you are likeme, it isn’t often enough. Before I went on this diet and cut out sugars Icould care less about milk shakes, baked potatoes or all the other deliciousthings that are now off limits. The absence of those things (that are usuallyin my life everyday) has caused me to CRAVE them. I guarantee you that if Iwere to fall off the wagon and go back to my old ways of eating, I wouldn’tthink twice about those foods after just a few days. But because they are gone,and  because they are unavailable to me Ican’t stop thinking about them.

How many relationships do you have like this? It’s so easyto forget how delicious and yummy your spouse is when there around you all thetime. But if you had to go a long period without them you would have a totalbreakdown…because like food and water…you just can’t live without love. It’s aproven fact! So maybe you need to go home, and tell the people in your home…”Iwant you to know something…I could not survive without you in my life!”

Magically Delicious

“You are the marshmallows in my Lucky Charms of life.”

Lucky Charms is by far my FAVORITE cereal. Hey…they are “magically delicious” after all! Just about every human in America has had this cereal, and for many of us it was a staple of our childhood breakfast routine. I want you to imagine for a minute…eating a big bowl of that wonderful sweet treat. Now…take away the marshmallows!!! Could you imagine Lucky Charms cereal without that sweet, mushy goodness? It would NOT be the same. It would just be bland, and tasteless, and I can guarantee that you would not find one kid on this planet who would voluntarily eat that cereal if it only had the brown crunchy things.

Is this how you feel about your relationship right now. Are you at a place where if you took you spouse out of your world, your life would lose its sweetness, and you would be left with a bunch of stuff that you have no use for? Sure…you would be able to survive…but it just wouldn’t be near as fun, and it wouldn’t’ be nearly as flavorful.  

I want you to take a good look into your “cereal of life.” Is it filled with colorful and flavorful things? And is it also balanced out with some healthy bites as well. If you look into you bowl and all you see are tasteless flakes, and boring colors you may need to look around for some flavor. HANG ON NOW!!! I don’t mean for a “NEW BOX OF CEREAL!” Life is filled with lots of ingredients. All of which you can find in your pantry at HOME. You just need to look for it, and maybe have your spouse help you get it if it is somewhere out of your reach.  You don’t need to go shopping, and buy a whole new box of cereal…just find some sweet fruit, or add some sugar!

Follow the light

"You light up my life!!"

 

There is something special about being 100% confident thatyou are someone’s everything. For me, to get a note like this makes me feel ontop of the world. And an added bonus today…ARTWORK! You gotta love it.

Every now and then there are some little things make me thinkback to former relationships, and how at times I was SO WRONG about thefeelings I had for someone. I spent years in a relationship with someone whocalled me lazy, turns out I work pretty darn hard. I was told my jokes wereannoying, actually…I’m pretty hysterical if I say so myself. Among the dailyverbal beatings I took, the worst one was that I was not a good father. Well,my precious 8 year old (and anyone who knows me) would definitely dispute thatif she heard it!

Were you ever in a relationship like the one I’m describing?One that was almost completely toxic. One that even made you behave likesomeone you are not. I’ve certainly been there. And what a journey I had. Butnow looking back on that relationship, and comparing it to what I have now is areal eye opener.

Both my wife and I have been through similar situations. Andwe talk a lot about how had we met 10 years ago we would not appreciate eachother like we do now. To see the words “You light up my life” on a napkin maybe a tiny thing to most…but when you spent years in the darkness with someone…thisis the most precious thing I could have ever seen.

I want to encourage you to think about your relationships.Do they light up your life, or are you sitting in the dark all alone. Are youthe person that when you walk into a room it’s like turning the light switch ON…orare you the person who casts darkness by having a negative attitude, gossiping,not being appreciative for what you have and so on…. Either way you have theability to make or break someone’s day. Why not focus on being a bright star.

Revolving Doors

"I am so happy you're the ladderballs in my life."

There is nothing that can cause a relationship to suddenly end. Sure, someone can be caught in the act of doing something wrong that quickly ends a relationship; but more than likely, whatever they were caught doing took weeks, months and sometimes years to slowly chip away at what both individuals had worked so hard to create. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that there are certain things in a relationship, that if not carefully avoided will inevitable chisel away at the foundation of your marriage until it crumbles. I would deem one thing as THE biggest silent killer of otherwise great relationships. It’s called redundancy.

Think about the first 6 months of your relationship with your spouse. You can probably count more exciting, adventures and spontaneous things that you did in that first 6 months than you can in the past couple of years. This is not a bad thing. We all put our best foot forward when we are in a dating relationship. If it wasn’t for what happened in the beginning stage of a relationship most women would probably never settle for their husbands. AND…vice versa. The problem with this is that it isn’t easy to consistently come up with new ideas of things to do together, and for the most part it isn’t practical, especially if there are kids involved.

So back to today’s lunch note…Yesterday I found myself cleaning up outside after a big Saturday night bash my wife and I threw for neighbors and family. The back yard was pretty much trashed (mainly because me and some of the guy’s got a bit to “rowdy.” So there I was trying to breakdown a 10x10 tent, clean up a bunch of trash and beer cans…when my wife walks up with our 10 month old on her hip. Now I’m already treading lightly here because I did get a little out of hand with the guy’s last night. I was totally expecting her to rag me about staying out until 1:30am, or about the HUGE mess I had made. Instead she said “How about a break baby?” I was a little taken back, and then she really through me off when she said “How do you play ladderball?” Ladderball is this great game where you throw a rope sort of thing at this ladder, and you keep score. Me and the guy’s had played it most of the night before, and the game was left out. The next thing you know I’m putting the tent back up, and showing Heather how to play. For the next 2 hours we sat outside playing this game, taking turns with the baby in tow. We laughed, talked trash to each other and just really had the best time. And it came out of nowhere.

As I started thinking about it, it made sense that we had so much fun because we were doing something new, and we were both enjoying it. If we aren’t careful we will find ourselves in a rut. Doing the same old things day in and day out. Routine is healthy, and for the most part a routine is essential to run a household smoothly. But be careful that you don’t put yourself, and your family into a revolving door of the same things, day in and day out. Mix it up a little. Get yourself outside of your comfort zone. Otherwise, If you leave this door opened boredom will surely settle in. And who knows…you may find yourself giggling together just like you did in those first few weeks of dating so many years ago.

OH…and if your curious about ladderball there is a link below too. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_toss 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_toss 

I like the way you work it, No Diggitty

3/30/12

"I like the way you work it. Work it today, baby! ! :-)"

Every morning my wife and I have a little bit of time tocatch up and brief each other about the day ahead. She has known for a while that today was a big day at the office, and she knew the day would be quite stressful. When I woke up she had coffee ready, and this huge grin on her face.“It’s a BIG day BABY!” she said. Just seeing her act silly, and encourage mehelped me shoot right out of bed, and look forward to the day ahead.

Encouragement and positive reinforcement is such a bigthing, and so necessary in any relationship. Last night before we went to sleepHeather got a text from a friend that delivered some really bad news. I went tosleep worried about her being stressed out because of it. I just knew that whenI woke up this would be something we needed to work together on. However,looking back on it, I believe my wife realize that today meant high stakes forme at the office. She knows me well enough that if something is bothering her…itis going to bother me. She made a deliberate effort to make sure I saw herhappy and excited about the day, because she knew I needed to be focused and positive.

Now I’m not saying that if things are bothering you to keepit to yourself, and let it fester inside until it comes to a boiling point. Butwhat I am saying is that there are times when you can put your problem aside,for the benefit of someone else. Heather could have easily got out of bed, andhad a terrible attitude about the day because of what had upset her. And she had every right to be upset. She choseto focus on making MY DAY start right because we both had a lot riding on theday’s meetings. If I am completely honest, I would have to say I would not havebehaved this way. My day ended as well as it could have today. All meetings weresuccessful, and my entire family will benefit from that.

I have so many friends who’s wives are unable to recognizethat there are certain days a man just needs to be uplifted. To hear your wife whisper in your ear “I’m proud of you, and I’m thankful for the things you provide for our family” is a boost like no other for a man. Men need to feellike they are providers, and that their wife and children need them around(which we all know is the other way around J).

I want to encourage you if you are in a relationship (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, coworker, etc) to be aware of what people are struggling with, and learn what their day’s hold for them. If you realize someone has a huge day ahead, put your struggles aside for the day, put on ahuge smile, and tell them with confidence “I like the way you work it, work ittoday!”

Sidenote: Now I have that Blackstreet song “I like the wayyou work it…no diggity…I gotta bag it up” in my head….click here for the song if you don’t know it…Warning…it willmake you laugh…and it will be in your head for weeks.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nnwgFAuQExE

Addicted to you...

 
"Have the kind of day that makes everyone wish they were on your drug"

Have you ever seen the movie When Harry Met Sally with Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal (I'm sure that is a dumb question)? If you have then there is no way you could have forgotten the most famous scene in the entire movie. You know the one...where Meg Ryan's character (the young and gorgeous Sally Albright) begins banging her hands on the table, faster and faster, moaning louder and LOUDER...and finally, when she "finishes," the camera pans to an older lady and she says...I'll bet you already knew it before I finished the sentence...you are correct! She say's "I'll have what she's having!" 

Clearly the older lady could see in Sally's body language and facial expressions, and that was SERIOUSLY enjoying something... and she wanted it. I believe that when you are in love, or just truly at a happy place in your life, people around you can sense that about a person. It's a beautiful thing when you see someone that you haven't seen in a while, and when you bump into them they just look...well...different! You can't put your finger on it, but there is this new spark about them that was never there before. You begin to catch up with them, and they tell you about something that has happened that has led them to a place in their life where they are the "Happiest they have ever been." 

The unfortunate part about this is that we are somewhat limited at how we can control our own feelings of sadness or regret. But the amazing part about this is that we have the ability, and FULL CONTROL, to make someone else feel like "they are on a drug." It really is empowering if you think about it. You have the ability to give someone that spark. The way you treat someone, the way you love someone can actually turn their life upside down....and in the best way imaginable. So much so that a complete stranger can take one look in someone's eyes and know they have found that perfect balance in their life. Think about that the next time you see someone gushing. Are you doing something to make someone in your life have that spark...or are you putting out their fire? Even worse...Are you doing all you can to provide the spark, and all you receive in return is a bucket of water on your flame?

Gone Fishin

3-28-12

What is it about fishing that just makes you completelyforget about the busy world around you, and focus on the people you arespending time with? After getting home from work I invited my wife to gofishing at the community lake in our neighborhood. She thought about it forabout a second, and said “Let’s do it!”

Now my wife and I have a FEIRCE rival when it comes tocatching fish. And to be completely honest, she usually out fishes me on anygiven day. So we grabbed our poles, packed a cooler and strapped our 10 monthold to my chest in the baby Bjorn. By the way we left our cell phones at home. Fortwo hours we sat and joked and caught up on the day’s events. Actually, thatwas about the only the thing we caught. Not a fish in sight. But I can tell youone thing. There is nothing like spending time outdoors with the family, andnot having a phone to distract you. It was so relaxing… standing by the lakeholding my fishing pole, my baby girl was trying to figure out how to crank thereel (which she did figure out by the way) and my wife was laughing at me andcracking jokes…The time together was nice, and that night when we went to bed Icouldn’t help but thank God I’m married to a girl with a great sense of humor, adventurousspirit and most of all someone who after a long day of chasing a baby aroundthe house would put my wants in front of hers by allowing me to go fishing whenshe could have just as easily requested to stay home and put her feet up.

My wife and I have a long running statement, and it’s “I love you more.” We are constantly trying to convince the other that we loveeach other more than the other. So if one of us does something that they should not have, orif there is a funny thing that happens and the phrase fits….We’ll say…”see…thatjust proves I love you more!” I know it sounds cheesy…and it is, but hopefullyall couples have cheesy inside joke they can turn to when the time is right.If you don’t…GET ONE! 

The Little Things...

About this blog: 

Nowadays...it seems like everyone and their bother have a blog. After looking into "blogging" I have discovered there are endless reasons for starting a blog. For me, at this time in my life, I find myself in a position of wanting to remember the little details of my life. It seems like most of my life, as I look back on it, it's stamped out with memories of major accomplishments. Things like the day I graduated from college, my wedding day (both of them), the birth of my children, job promotions, the loss of loved ones...and the list goes on. My wife, Heather is the best at taking in the little things. She always finds little ways to show me she loves me, and to make sure I know she is thinking about me. There is no other better example of this than my lunch letters. 


The name of this blog came from something that my wife started doing for me a couple of years ago. Each day, my wife packs my lunch for me to bring into the office. I rarely go out to lunch. It costs WAY to much money to eat out everyday, and I have found that during lunch, the office is much quieter, and I can get more done between 12 and 1 than I can in most of the morning. Each day I dig into my lunch pale to find a hand written note from my wife. They are always different, and they are always relevant to the things taking place in our lives. While some are more clever than others, they never disappoint. My lunch letters are definitely one of the little things that I have come to cherish. 


I have come to the point where I can no longer continue to stock pile these napkins. Imagine, one note a day for two and a half years...Every Single Day. That is nearly 700 napkins that I have in my possession now! For some reason I can't bring myself to throw them away.  


Lunch Letter 3-27-12

Maybe this will give you an idea of where I'm going with this. Some notes are sweet, some notes are sassy, and in times where we may have had a disagreement...well...you will just have to see how those go....As for my wife, she will not be aware of this blog. The reasoning for that is because I don't want anyone thinking she is in on this.